Tuesday, March 31, 2009
My bewitching love, my Sophia –
You came to me tonight in such rare fashion, or perhaps it was the phase of the moon, the alignment of the stars, or my own desire for you. Tall and lean, your naked body glowing of lotion and passion as you walked to our bed and set one small white candle on the night stand; then climbed into our bed, and leaned over and kissed me – and we made love throughout the night.
And in your voice, I heard the sound of all creation coming together in a single focused harmony, lifting the mountains and rolling the seas and igniting the stars.
And on your face I saw the movement of all the bright and moving objects in all the heavens as they scurried through the night sky, seeking a place to take rest, burning white hot.
And when your eyes finally opened, I saw the fiery furnaces that forged the foundations of all Time and Space, their heat glowing for all eternity.
And I felt the coolness of a night breeze through an open window and heard the thunder rolling in the distant sky and smelled the freshness of the first grass of Spring underfoot and I knew love – love simple and complete – love given and love shared.
And in that moment, I felt our souls wed forever in the most profoundly sacred unity, one that can never be broken or bruised, one that survives the passage of all things known to man.
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Sunday, March 29, 2009
You never cease to amaze me; every time I am sure that my love for you cannot be any more than it is, you expose a new part of yourself that makes me love you more.
As I sit here under the clear night sky of Spring, I look upward and imagine the billions of stars that our Father placed in the sky. For each of those billions of stars, I feel a separate item of love for you. Each night, it seems a new star appears in the heavens, just as each night it seems a new part of your loving heart is opened to me. My soul weeps with joy for the wonders you have taught me of what love is.
Tonight, when I close my eyes, it will be with greater love for you than when I opened them this morning when I rose; and when I rise in the morning, I will love you more than at this moment. What I feel for you is growing beyond what we know as love, it is becoming a substance of such immense and abiding joy that I find no word, in any language, to express it.
Until I find that word, can I just say I love you and hope you understand the depth and width of it – can you accept the outpouring of my heart in openness and honesty and realize that as a mortal man, I cannot express this near God-like feeling – can you believe that there is no other thing in this life that any longer has any meaning to me, other than the meaning it has in reference to you?
I feel you in the very air around me right now; in the breath I am taking, in the wind blowing upon my face, and in the quavering light of the stars above my head. It is difficult for me to believe that anyone has ever loved another human being more than I love you at this moment – if they did, I know they must have turned into stardust and moved on to live in the vast expanse of God’s love that abides above me right now.
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Wednesday, March 25, 2009
My Sophia, so profoundly beautiful –
Your words come to me, so holy and unprofaned – and through them I alone am made constantly aware of your unflinching beauty.
Your eyes are always so private to the crowd around you, only I see the tear when they pour down your face; only I feel the love for you that is flawless in its intent; only I am given love in return that is unique in this life and so truly profound and unequaled.
Your words, spoken in darkness, are full of light, touching me incessantly, touching me in places whose very existence is unknown to any other. The constancy of your devotion is the air that I breathe and is the very breathe that you then so often taken away.
Your word is my gospel; your sigh my command; your tears filling the holy baptismal font of life itself. When I go to sleep tonight, it will be to dream of you; when I awake, you will be my very life my most precious love.
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Saturday, March 21, 2009
My beautiful love Sophia –
Did you see the tears in my eyes this morning? You could not have seen the tears of joy in my soul, but they were flowing so freely because of you, as so often they do. I cannot tell you the intensity of the feelings you bring me; only try to repay them from time to time so that you too experience them.
As I sat this morning, watching you walk the field next to the house (as you often do) I felt the warmth of the sun and the warmth of your love for me, basking in them both. It was then that you surprised me with a handful of wild daisies you had picked from the field – so much like you, beautiful and wild and growing free. You knelt before me and handed them to me, there were tears in your eyes and you lowered your head as you presented them to me and I find myself humbled, humbled and shaking in my body and my soul from loving you.
Daisies, wild and beautiful from a field unseen by others – from my most precious, wild and beautiful and unknown to others with what you do to me, for me. What force of God brought you to me in this life? What debt did life owe me that the payment it made was to bring you to me? I find myself drowning in your love and wishing nothing else that life might have to offer me. All other things seem so trivial.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Love of all loves, My adored Sophia –
It was with some bit of amusement I observed a number of matronly customers in the store where we shopped today. We were out of town and none of them knew us, but they certainly raised their eyebrows when you asked, as you often do, “Do you love me?” I answered you as I normally do when I said, “Perhaps a little, perhaps.” They did not see your smile as you walked away; they were much to busy glaring at me.
What they do not know is that I love you more than a “little,” and more than a “lot.” There are times when I am quite sure that I love you with all the complexity of every thought that has ever been thought by mankind and with the intensity of God as he created all things.
They do not understand, as you do, that not only are you my breath, but my reason for breathing – not only are you in my thoughts, but you are my thoughts – that I know longer know where I end and you begin. My love for you is totally consuming, just a “little, perhaps.”
As we got back onto the train, they were still glaring at me for having the cheek to tell a beautiful, adoring woman that I loved her “a little, perhaps.” What they could not see was my hand trembling slightly just from the touch of your hand as I helped you up the steps onto the passenger car. Nor could they have known that I most truly do love you, for you are noble and fine, gifted among women with love in your heart and passion in your veins. Perhaps, perhaps, it is more than a “little.”
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My most loved and adored Sophia –
This morning, while you still slept (you are so expert at that some days) I took my coffee and sat on our back porch. The weather was perfect and the pear trees beautiful, covered with millions of tiny white blooms; one of the most incredible sights of the Spring. As I sat there, the Spring wind began to blow and on this day, the pear blossoms were released from their hold to the tree, almost all of them, and for just a moment it seemed a giant snowstorm was falling.
Every year, the pear tree must let go of it’s beautiful blossoms or the fruit of the pear cannot set and provide nourishment and enjoyment. I thought, how like Us that is, Us and Love. The beauty of the blossom must be released for the patient forming of the fruit that will bring Us enjoyment and nourishment through the Fall and Winter.
When I realized that, I offered up a prayer for each of those millions of blossoms that God will in his Providence provide for us through the storms of Spring and the heat of Summer, and that He will use Us, making us fit fruit for the Love He blesses upon the world.
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My waking Sophia –
In this dim light of morning, I lay here watching you slowly awaken to the new day. Arms and legs unfolding from sleep like the leaves of the cypress greeting the sunlight to dry away the dew.
The fire of the morning sun reflects the fire of your soul as your eye lids slowly rise, as slowly as the sun, but just as surely. Finally, your smile appears when you realize you have wakened to another day of being loved – loved as the beloved of my life.
Now, take my hand as we begin the dance of another day – another, where our loves shine as brightly as the summer sun.
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My lovely and divine Sophia –
Again, you have touched me so deeply, I find myself swept off my feet, and it is not yet daylight. I have awakened and find that Spring has arrived. The thought arises in my mind that you have indeed brought Spring into my soul, into my life. You have nurtured my rebirth, my regrowth, and provided sustenance to my very being. God has truly given you such powers that are nothing short of divine.
Quietly I stand in the darkness, looking out the window at the pear trees proudly displaying their new blossoms, so white they shine even in the darkness of the early morning hour. In that brightness I see your smile, hear your laughter and suddenly my soul is brought to its knees in humbleness and praise – you have changed me so, but disturbed nothing within me that is my true self. You have wrought a masterpiece with nothing but the beauty of your soul and the love of your heart.
In the quietness of awe, I find myself making my way back to our bed and where I lie beside you. Careful not to wake you, I hold you close to me in sacred embrace until the sun awakens. Only God will see the dampness in the corners of my eyes as I quietly listen to your breathing and smell the fragrance of your hair.
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My beautiful loving Sophia –
Why do you love me? I asked. You turned and walked away without answering, glancing over your shoulder and smiling as you went. I followed and asked you again. Yet you spoke not. Finally, I told you, “tell me.” With your eyes filled with love, you looked directly into my eyes and said, “No.”
Only one light shines, only one heart beats, only one single burning desire exists; you. I need not know why but I can feel your love in the things you say and I can see it in the things you do.
Come to me, hold me close, share my breath my impassioned love; let our hearts beat as one until – in an instant – all breathing stops. And when it begins again, it is in a world reborn in our passion my beloved.
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My passionate and loving Sophia -
Stars move gently through the early morning hours as I look out the window to the heavens above, not wanting to succumb to sleep just yet. Is it the wine or the intoxication of you that has so completely engulfed me this night? The question itself brings a smile to my face and I know you were the greater of the two my love.
Lying here, my right arm holding you so closely to me, feeling your soft, supple nakedness pressed against mine, I find myself in a state of peace I never want to leave. Your head on my shoulder as your pillow, your arm across my chest and you hand upon my heart - your passion the ember which sparked the first moment of time in the universe.
Listening, I hear the soft and gentle rhythm of your sleeping breath. You muttered yourself to sleep in my arms, repeating "I love you, I love you, I love you over and over until you passed into sleep. Those words, your intent, echoing in my ears and in my heart; I will not sleep tonight and I will never sleep the same again. This moment is heaven and I find that I have been seduced by you at every level where any part of me exists. I am yours my precious and beloved. I am yours......... πάντα
My most precious Sophia –
May I tell you about the great relief I feel when we talk – your voice to my ear is the sound of doves cooing, and, to my soul it is the soothing words of Angels speaking God’s promise to me.
You have so captivated my heart. From your rocky seacoast you have invaded my deep-forest lair and demolished its defenses completely with only a whisper and taken me prisoner for life with only a word.
The depth of what I feel for you has never been measured; it is a brightly lighted abyss of unlimited love and passion. The words describing these feeling have never been spoken, neither by man nor by Angel – they do not yet exist. On a day to be assigned by God, this will be allowed, my soul and yours in perfect communion; until then, accept that I love you dearly, I love you to the end my beloved, to the end.
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My most precious and tender Sophia –
On this long and moonless night, my heart has felt your pain as you will never know; more than I can ever explain. Your breath has become my breath, your heartbeat has become my own, and you cannot cry that I do not taste the saltiness of your tears
If we trust nothing else, we must trust us; trust our love. It will not fail us, and we must never fail it my darling. Because you see, it has no limitation, it has no failure, and it does not have any conditions; we simply love one another. We honor one another with this and we honor Love itself with this. You must understand, and in your heart you already know this, that on that last day, no matter Time or Space, I will still love you as I do today.
We have been so lucky and so blessed my precious; many people are never given the gift we have received and claimed as our own. We have come to understand that it “is a seeking after beauty and wisdom and a movement towards them,” just as we have moved more closely toward each other since that first day when Love laid his hand upon us. He continues to hold us in His hand until this moment and as He will for all Time.
Hold me close to you tonight my lovely and most beloved woman; though you are not perfect in your own eyes, you are in mine. That perfection is the perfection of Love in its more pure state, that which exists between us. Hold me close to you tonight my lovely, no dream you could possibly have will surpass the love I hold for you.
Είσαι το πάθος μου - πάντα
My Light and my Love –
You move me and touch me as nothing ever has my love. It is not just the love you give me, but it is your innate and total understanding of Love, what it truly is and what it truly does, that humbles me at your feet and at the feet of Love itself.
I understand the Sufi’s passion for Love, the Hedonist’s pursuit of pleasure, and the ancients Greek’s understanding of Love; but, not until one lonely, dark night did I understand Love itself. Then a few scant words from your lips and the touch of your heart upon mine brought about revelation to my soul. In that moment, in your eyes, I saw the truth of all the Love that has ever existed my precious.
Love is the moving of two bodies in Time and Space, drawn together as surely as the stars are driven and drawn by gravity. I find myself moving toward you with a constancy and surety that are as inevitable as the sunrise. The truth of Love that I have found in your heart causes me to tremble, both in joy and understanding. Your heart is taking me places I did not know existed my beloved Sophia.
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My dearest and most beautiful Sophia -
There are times when I see men looking at you, and I must confess that I am as guilty as they. I find myself looking at you in adoration, in appreciation, and in humbleness to your beauty. You are tall and fair of face, sharp featured and dark in a way that can cause even trees to tremble in your presence; but, that is not the true beauty I find in you.
No one else, I don't believe, has ever seen that true beauty that I have found; the compassion you feel for others, the purity of feeling you have for your God, your joy of Life, and, most of all, at least from my perspective, the great and passionate love you show me all the time, without flinching and without failing. I am, beyond any question, the most fortunate man on this earth.
You go to much trouble to be beautiful for me, and I appreciate the effort my precious love; but, you should know, that in my truest of true hearts, I see the greater beauty of you and it is that which has so completely taken my breath and my heart away from me. You are, without any question, beautiful among all women - more importantly, you are, without any question, the most beautiful woman my soul has ever beheld and I do love you so dearly for that.
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My passionate and beloved Sophia –
Tonight, I lay by the fire on this lonely plain, thousands of miles from you and all of that which is our home. As I have looked upward at the heavens, I have come to know that when 1,000 moons have risen over 10,000 lovers prayers, then, only then, will I have just begun to perceive the love we possess.
This bright and radiant place we create, but it is beyond light, beyond words or space, and only to us does it exist. Our vision came on that cherished night of Oneness, when we placed our hearts under sacred Oath as we stared into each other’s Souls - our hearts exchanged at Love’s chanterie.
Polaris peers down on me tonight, clarifying the future as surely as the Pythia at Delphi or the vision of Tiresias of old. Tomorrow I begin the journey to the sea, to join the ship that will bring me home to you my most beloved one. One step closer to the Oracle of Oneness we have been promised.
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Strains of violin, of cello, and
My voice freezes on my tongue
My feelings paralyze in my soul,
Not from fear but from the
Deep emotion my heart feels for you.
You are sunlight at Dawn,
Fresh rain in the Spring;
I have come to realize
You are all thing precious and fine
And I love you so very dearly.
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My precious and adored Sophia –
Life has sent me far afield my beloved, but not without your heart living within my heart and your soul living within my soul. At home today, it is a time when there may be snow, I know how much you love those days and smile at the thought of the joy it brings you. I find myself far flung to warm western climes where snow exists only in the stories told by young girls and the failing memories of old men.
There is a bird here known to the natives as Peregrine, he is faster than the wind, and though smallish, he is a fierce raptor. In the last month, I have made friends with one, feeding him each morning and sending him on his way; each evening he sleeps on a perch outside my tent. Three days ago as he sat on my wrist I told him of you, of the love and passion in my heart for you, and as I fed him I asked him to take this message to you. Then, as I always do, I launched him into the wind. He turned to the East, to you, and I have not seen him again. If a small, fierce bird appears, do not harm him, but feed him and listen to his words, they are mine to you.
Though this land is unsettled and uncivilized, it is verdant and beautiful, untouched by the greedy and careless hands of man. The natives are simple, but honest and people of great honor, you would approve of them and like them I think. My day is now beginning and I must be about my doings, which I will do with thoughts of you, as always, deeply in my heart and my soul, my precious beloved Sophia.
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My lovely Sophia -
Today as we were walking along the street, a young boy of 8 ran by. Before he went very far, he tripped, fell and skinned his knee; it was bleeding and he was crying. Without hesitation you tore the bottom off your petticoat, soaked it under the nearest running water and went to his aid. I watched as you wrapped his wound and hugged him until he stopped crying; this vagabond child of a vagabond father, assuaged under your loving hand.
Constantly, your immeasurable beauty confounds me. And, just as constantly I am reminded of God’s good grace which has placed you by my side. My love for you abides deeply within me, and that which abides in me, abides forever. I am no different than that vagabond son, at the mercy of your aid, your limitless love shepherding me through the countless pains of life.
I owe Life the debt of love, may I never fall behind in my payments to you, its conservator.
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My beautiful and beloved -
Spring had arrived and rains were heavy; I sat at the edge of the swift running stream and watched as shining stones, one after another, washed to the banks, unearthed from the layers of mud which had held them captive for so long. It caused me to consider you my love, and what you have done for me.
The way you gave yourself to me before witnesses; the way you gave yourself to me with no witnesses; and, the way you have given of yourself to me every day of my Life since then. You have washed me as clean as these stones, freeing my soul from captivity. Your love and devotion cleansing me of all the scars and misery I carried about with me for so long.
I do not need to cross this stream today my love, I need only to come home to you.
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My modest Sophia –
Your facets never cease to amaze me; always attempting to hide your beauty from the world in true modesty. Even as well as we know one another, I only now find that you are such a talented vocalist my precious one. I have heard you sing before, but always a muted song – a song sung truly but softly.
Last night you finally allowed me to hear your full voice and it is so beautiful in range and tone and in passion. No songbird of Nature ever sang a sweeter song my love, with notes so pure, so true; the passion of your tune touching me as only a song of such intense passion can do my beautiful Sophia.
When your song was finished you said you were embarrassed for having sung so passionately with me listening; but I am not embarrassed for listening to your sweet notes. No, now that I know the lyrics that spilled from your lips, I feel only the urge to join you in duet my love. Though your singing did disturb my sleep until quite late, this morning finds me awake and fit and more in love with you than ever my precious.
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My most wondrous Sophia -
It is the early Spring time of our relationship; I know you are frightened, if not frightened, then apprehensive of my intentions. We have attended church twice and a dance, but you can already read in me that which I cannot define as yet. All I know is that I am smitten by you as I have never imagined such things could be.
You do not know, and I cannot say, that you are in such control of me. I look into your eyes and I see a thousand tomorrows, no, ten thousand; yet, I must try and focus on this day. As you stood across the church yard yesterday, talking with the other young women, you would occasionally look in my direction, catching me staring each time. You smiled and my heart withered, what is happening to me?
If you knew you already possessed my heart, my soul, my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, and my endless fidelity, would you think me weak or foolish; they are all yours. And, while I cannot define what is burning in my heart for you, I already know that I do not want to be apart from you, ever. I think I am in love with you Sophia, it has sneaked upon me like a storm in the night, waking me with its power and persistence.
When you look across the church yard at me, I would think your glance would be questioning, wondering if I am a sham, but it is not. You know. Your smallest glance lets me know that you have read me like a book and you are deciding my Fate as a judge in the Court of Life.
I stand accused. I am guilty.
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My lovely and wonderful Sophia-
I can see you know, as you open this letter, but you will not read it just yet. You will make sure it is a letter and act as if you are reading it if there others around, but I know you will not read it until late tonight, when you are alone in our bedroom. Once you are alone, you will open the envelope slowly, as if it is an epistle from our Father and then in all loving respect slowly lay these pages out on the desk by the window overlooking your rose garden.
You will read these words very slowly, letting them flow through your mind like melted honey so that you don’t miss a single nuance of what I am writing to you. After you have finished reading it through, you will hold it in those soft and loving hands and stare at it with that pensive expression you possess at times. You will then put it back in it’s envelope as if it were God’s own words and store it in your box for letters and put it away.
In the darkness you will gaze out into the abyss of the night and then you will put your head down on the desk and you will cry in silence so that only the angels can hear you, begging for my safe return to you. Before God, I miss you and I love you to a degree that may not be allowed a mortal man, but I am unrepentant.
As I rode this lonely road home this morning, I stopped by a stream so that my horse could rest and have water. While we rested I spotted a daffodil, such as the ones you planted around the front of the house last year; I took it into my hands and thought of you with such intensity that I could not keep from weeping.
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My beautiful Sophia –
Have you noticed how people tremble in our presence my love? Have you noticed that our love radiates outwardly so that they seem burned as by the intense summer sun - yet we bask in it as a new Spring day. Today, you caused me to understand.
You bring such joy to my life my darling; I am overwhelmed with the immensity of your love for me. When I came in from the field today I found the roses you had picked for me; you know how I love them so and I was touched by the sentiment. It was not until I went to wash up that I understood.
Soaking in the sink I found a small towel, with small blood stains all over it, your blood. I came to you and held your hands, silently turning them over to see your palms, where there were dozens of cuts from where you had picked the roses for my pleasure. I had no choice but to kneel in the presence of such love my precious. You gave me pleasure through your pain; I am humbled my beautiful Sophia, humbled and blessed my love.
I think of so many ways when you "pick roses for me" each day. My Sophia, my precious beloved Sophia.
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My Most Precious Sophia –
It is Valentine’s Day and the loneliness I feel today, being apart from you, is almost unbearable. This war has gone on far too long my beloved. It has been so long since I felt the touch of your hand in the darkness, your kiss at first light, or heard your laughter as we walked in the simple fields of home.
All around me they fall, friend and foe alike. But when I hear their misery at night, I tell you true, I cannot tell them apart. They are all miserable men who want to go home to their wives; as I am become a miserable man who wishes nothing but to return to you my most beloved one. I and my enemy are become one, drinking from the cup of loneliness and despair.
You are constantly with me; you are the air that I breathe, the sunlight on a bitter winter’s day, and the rare laughter that visits this dismal existence in which I find myself. Yet, there are times when I awake on a cold night, trapped in this Hell, when I can hear the sound of your breathing, I can taste you on my tongue, and feel the touch of your thigh in the bitter darkness that surrounds me.
Though I am so far apart from you, know that I will not profane the sacred love that you have given me. Long ago we mutually approached Love’s altar and placed upon it our Love, yours and mine to be sacrificed on the Pyre that Love burns. The smoke of that burning rises up unto Heaven and our Father God finds it fragrance pleasant and in turn blesses our sacrifice made to Him and to each other.
My eyes have become dry and my mouth has become mute, only my Soul and my Heart continue, and they are in a constant state of Love for you that approaches idolatry in its devotion my Precious. I will return to you, and, I will never again leave your side.
All of my love is only yours, My Holy and Adored Love.
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My most beloved Sophia, Precious Love, Breath of Life,
Let no tears stain your beauty in thought of this moment not realized – no, but see the morning when my ship shall sail into the harbor with white sails billowing.
As Mr. Wordsworth wrote -
“Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting – The Soul that rises within us, hath elsewhere had its setting and cometh from afar.
We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind, in the primal sympathy which having been, must ever be – In the Faith that looks through Death.”
My Sophia, My Precious and Fervent One, My Only One ....
To you, All my love.
πάντα.
When my cousin Mary introduced you to me and you turned to face me, I lost my breath. I know you thought me a fool, stuttering as I did and only able to say “Hello,” though the purest thoughts of a thousand poets were pulsing through my veins. Remember when we were dancing and I said, “You must be an ….” And then my voice froze and I felt like a total fool.
What I wanted, with all loving sincerity to say was, “You must be an angel, because I know that our Father God has never made a woman so perfectly.” Looking into your eyes at that moment I was afraid if I said that to you I would only frighten you into running away; and if you ran away, I knew that I would consign myself to a life of emotional poverty never known to man before.
And now, for the past two days I have not slept. I have ridden my horse all day and sat around an open fire in the forest at night, unable to slow my mind long enough to find sleep. Am I a fool? I have only met you and find that I cannot bear the thought of my life without you.
As I gaze into this fire on this cool autumn night, I do not smell the aroma of burning oak, but of Love’s fire in its forging of us together. I find myself frightened of my own cloistered thoughts. On Sunday, I will find my way to the church where I know you will be with cousin Mary and perhaps I can bask once again in the beauty of your soul; perhaps I will seem less of a fool, but I doubt it.
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