Sophia my beautiful lover -

On autumn nights, when the weather is cool, we sit outside around a fire we have built to stay warm. We talk until our voices are slurred and our thoughts are lost, just to hear the other's voice; we fight sleep as an enemy because we do not want those minutes of our life stolen by unconsciousness. When morning comes, we find ourselves clutching one another closely, to fight off the cold and to feel the closeness with our bodies that lives in our minds.

People, at least some of them, think we are silly sometimes, when you come and sit in my lap like a little girl and I in turn rock you as I hold you and kiss you without shame or hesitation. We hold hands as we walk through their parties of sophistication, lost to everyone in the crowd except each other. The light of the moon at night is the only illumination we need, other than the light of love that shines in our eyes.

Some days we fuss; you like to see me a "little mad" at times and I sometimes like to get you a bit "wound up;" we fight, just a little, so that we can make up. But on nights when you are ill I do not fail you and on days when I am weak you do not fail to strengthen me. And people ask themselves, some even ask us, how can this miraculous thing have happened and we honestly tell them that we don't know. All we know, or will ever know, is that we love each now and we will love each other then.

πάντα

My gentle and lovely Sophia–

I find myself waking to the muted early light, making its way into our bedroom in a most languid manner this morning. You are still sleeping, curled tightly against me as you are every morning; I feel the texture of your hair on my chest and the warmth of your body against mine. My heart is overcome with the way you touch me my precious love.

You do touch me so – but it is not just the silken touch of your body against mine in the dark of night. With your heart and your soul you have touched me so deeply that I am a changed man, never could I ever be that which I was before; whatever that was, for I do not remember what I was before you touched me with your spirit so true. As you have held me in the touch of your hands, your unseen wings have silently carried me to places of love that I never knew existed.

And I know I too have touched you my love, I can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice. So come, rest your head on my shoulder and leave any pain of the day upon my chest, there is no rush to arise this morning my beautiful lover. As you have touched me with your soul, touch me with your body and let our pleasures number as the stars upon a clear fall night.

πάντα

My Sophia, my constant thought –

The day has begun and is so often the case I find myself sitting on the back porch waiting for the sun to rise while you continue to occupy the land of dreams, sleeping as peacefully as a small child. My wait is rewarded with the first ray of sun accompanied by one long bird graciously singing in the new day. It is then I fully recognize that I am of single thought, the thought of your prevails over all else. The thought of your all encompassing beauty of body and mind and spirit, one single thought in my mind you.

You think I am either a liar (at best) or mentally disturbed (at worst) because I tell you that every night my dreams are filled with you; but it is the truth. I do not remember the last night when I did not dream of you, a simple truth. My mind is so singularly filled with you that even in my sleeping state; I must continue to think of you almost constantly. Only you have driven the demons from my waking self and the nightmares of my sleeping self, only you.

Recently, we were talking, about us and life; suddenly you looked at me and said, “This is real.” Yes, it is real my precious beloved, it is as real as the stars that shine down at night and the heat of a summer’s day. What we feel is real, what we dream is real, and the blessing we have been given in one another is real. We are real; as surely as the simplicity of that first ray of sunlight I love you - as surely as the notes sung by that lone songbird you love me - we are real. We have made ourselves real and we have made ourselves true.

Bright morning sun now peeks into the world, revealing a brilliant orange rose in your garden, I will pick it and place it on your pillow for when you awaken. I will return and lie by your side so that when you wake, the rose and I will be there to welcome you to another day my love.

πάντα

Sophia, my beauty and my love –

In the middle of the night, your voice calms me as a tender melody. When my soul is raging, at war with itself, the mercy of your spirit brings it to a place of peace. Your affection floods me like the first full light of morning. The very thought of you fills me with every breath I take. What have I ever done to deserve such love? Why has the Father chosen to bless me so?

In the darkness I sit and I hear the song of the night bird, frogs singing love songs to one another, and the sound of the wind in the trees. But, at a deeper level, I hear the sound of the sap coursing through the veins of the leaves on my pear tree, I feel the light of a distant star gently touching my face, and I sense your thoughts as you send your deepest love to me.

Tonight, I anoint myself with oil consecrated by thoughts from your heart and words from your lips. Tonight, I light a candle, no, not one, but three, and ask the Father’s blessing upon them all; their light and thought made holy within the loving palm of His hand. Tonight, I feel the vastness of love - how have you taken me to such heights? I love you my Sophia, without doubt or hesitation, completely.

πάντα

My beautiful and wonderful Sophia –

It was on a sunny afternoon when you asked me “that question.” Though said in jest, it brought my heart to its knees. You were not feeling well and I had brought you tea while you rested in bed. As I walked into the room, I asked where the honey was, and, as women often do, you said, “My God, what would you do if I were not here tomorrow?” I felt the cup drop from my hand and tears roll from my eyes; what indeed would I do.

You were amazed; as much as we loved each other, I don’t think it had ever occasioned to you the absolute depth of my love and my need for you. What would I do; I would surely die I suppose, because life would have no meaning at all to me. It caused me to remember winters when I was a child. The sound of grown men walking in heavy winter boots always fascinated me; as they walked up on the mix of ice and snow the sound always made me think of tiny bones being crushed beneath their stride, I hated the sound. Now, I felt life’s boot crunching atop me as if I were a small creature, unseen in the ice and snow on a winter's morning..

You think I would find someone else – I would not; there is only one you. You think I would “remember” you; you are me and I am you, it would be remembering of the most painful sort. You think a great many things would happen, they would not. Nothing at all would happen; I would simply sit down and one day, forget to breathe again.

Please Sophia, do not ever go away; do not leave me, do not die before I do, do not vanish into the night never to be seen again. I was speechless at that moment, I am speechless now. What would I do? What indeed, I would surely die I suppose; because a person cannot live without their heart and you have mine completely.

πάντα

My Sophia, beautiful and eternal –

We were awake so late last night with only a few hours of sleep as we held each other desperately through the night. Now, we share with the soft half-light of dawn this morning - it is so gentle, so beautiful. In the moments just before the first rays of sunlight fight their way through the thick boughs of pine, the cardinals serenade us to the new day. In their song I hear your words of love, of devotion, the songs of forever love.

Which is softer of you – your touch, your word, your love for me? I don’t know. All I do know is that you have changed that which lives within me forever and for good. You take a rough pile of Life and sculpt it and texture it into something with thoughts of tenderness, thoughts of such true love and thoughts of Hope that I did not know existed. The hands of your soul have the light touch of a goddess – deny it in modesty if you must, I will understand, but know the truth.

Sitting here, looking over the top of my ragged coffee cup as it steams into my face, I watch you smiling with your eyes closed as you listen to the pure sweet notes of the songbirds about us. As you do, I can see my soul with eyes closed listening to the sweet notes of your soul singing always to mine. When I am at my worst, you are at your best, a calm word within the storm, a place of peace within tumult, an oasis of love when life is filled with only burning desolation.

For what do I owe you? For what do I not? Every time we touch I feel the love that has existed between us since the beginning of time and which shall exist until time ceases to be – I am thankful that we found each other again as we have done forever my love. I will hold you close to me through the ages, but for today, place your heart within my heart and know the love I feel for you at the rising of this sun.


πάντα