It is cloudy and cool today, a perfect afternoon for a nap, so I did lay down for awhile but found I could not find sleep. Restlessness was not the problem. In fact, the truth of the matter is there was no problem. No; I just found myself doing inventory of sorts and I thought I should tell what I found in that process.

You have given me your body, people do that everyday, sometimes even if they don’t even like each other. No, you have given me your body in a special way though; as if it is mine not only to enjoy and covet, but to hold and own as my possession. Don’t get me wrong, I am appreciative of your body. It is fair, pristine, beautiful and perfect in every way and I love it as I love you; but it is not at the top of the list.

More importantly, I found that indeed you have given me your heart to possess. It is a fine heart too. Filled with love and tenderness, compassion and beauty, it is a rarity in today’s world of cynical minds. You do not know how many times that pure and perfect heart of yours has changed my day, forced me to be calm when I didn’t want to, just from watching you.

Many things of beauty I found when doing this inventory that kept me from going to sleep. Your soul holds many things that are precious and rare – love for your fellow man, sure-footed faith, tears for children you don’t even know, active sympathy for men and women who have seen the harder parts of life; the list goes on and on.

Most of all, however, I find that you have given me your love. You have not loaned it to me so that you can reclaim it at some future date. You do no withdraw it on my bad days when I don’t even love myself. You do not alter it by fad or fashion. No; you just love me and keep loving me. I hear people talk about eternity and what it means to them. I believe God has given us to each other’s keep for that duration, because when I inventory your love for me, it seem to have no indication of end.

I could not go to sleep without telling you this. Sometimes you ask me if I know you love me; I do. Today, this inventory has forced me to look more intently at that which I find. So let me say, I do know how much you love me; I am amazed.

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Sleep my loving and tender Sophia -

You were so sleepy last night, lying in my arms trying to stay awake, trying to tell me things about your day, trying to tell me your dreams, trying to tell me over and over how you love me. At times your voice was so sleepy I could barely make out the words, at times you were on the cusp of wakefulness and sleep, at times telling me to hurry or I would miss the bus, at times telling me of visions that were there before your waking eyes; but mostly telling me how much you love me.

Then you fell asleep in my arms, mumbling and muttering, saying “I love you” one last time like it might be the last time your lips could utter that sound or that my ears would be able to hear them. But my love, that can never be, you know that as well as I do; our words have been chiseled into the stone of Time itself, and though others might question them, we do not. My soul will pursue yours throughout forever’s forever and yours will pursue throughout the endlessness of eternity.

In a few minutes I will come lie down and even in sleep you will come to me as if you hear my voice in your very dreams. You will put your arm over my chest and rest your heart in my heart. Tonight, my head hurts, my back hurts, and sometimes my soul hurts; but my heart does not hurt, for it is in your care. You lavish me with such love that all temporal matters vanish like fog on a bright winter’s morning, troubles becoming even less than a memory.

So sleep now my love, sleep in the beauty of what our souls have created in this life; sleep in the purity of that holy conception. Sleep in the full clarity of Us. I love you.


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