These are the letters from Egan to his beloved Sophia. The translator was unable to ascertain dates for these letters.
Some letters were never mailed, but stayed in a small locked box that Egan kept over the long years.


Friday, May 1, 2009


My Sophia, beautiful and eternal –

We were awake so late last night with only a few hours of sleep as we held each other desperately through the night. Now, we share with the soft half-light of dawn this morning - it is so gentle, so beautiful. In the moments just before the first rays of sunlight fight their way through the thick boughs of pine, the cardinals serenade us to the new day. In their song I hear your words of love, of devotion, the songs of forever love.

Which is softer of you – your touch, your word, your love for me? I don’t know. All I do know is that you have changed that which lives within me forever and for good. You take a rough pile of Life and sculpt it and texture it into something with thoughts of tenderness, thoughts of such true love and thoughts of Hope that I did not know existed. The hands of your soul have the light touch of a goddess – deny it in modesty if you must, I will understand, but know the truth.

Sitting here, looking over the top of my ragged coffee cup as it steams into my face, I watch you smiling with your eyes closed as you listen to the pure sweet notes of the songbirds about us. As you do, I can see my soul with eyes closed listening to the sweet notes of your soul singing always to mine. When I am at my worst, you are at your best, a calm word within the storm, a place of peace within tumult, an oasis of love when life is filled with only burning desolation.

For what do I owe you? For what do I not? Every time we touch I feel the love that has existed between us since the beginning of time and which shall exist until time ceases to be – I am thankful that we found each other again as we have done forever my love. I will hold you close to me through the ages, but for today, place your heart within my heart and know the love I feel for you at the rising of this sun.


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Tuesday, April 28, 2009


My precious peach Sophia –

Every day of my life is so different now, I cannot even remember how it was before. With each day of my life, I find I am captured again and again by the love you bestow upon me. With each day of my life, my heart is taken anew by you, always to places deeper than I even knew existed. Until now, I find myself so completely lost in you that I could never find my way out – nor do I ever want to.

No longer can I look at a flower or a cloud or even a drop of rain the same – now they all mean something more meaningful to me, all because of you. The wind feels different to me now, even the air that I breathe is sweeter.

You are given to me and in that way I find that I am given to you. It must surely be that you have bewitched me my precious love; for I am totally under the spell that I hear whenever your lips move, completely captivated by the innocent truth of your heart. I am enraptured by your very being – I am born anew into this life each day by that single word you speak to me.

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Friday, April 24, 2009


My treasured gift Sophia –

My treasured gift Sophia –

You tell me you are not perfect; but there are indeed times when I forget. See, I have a rather unique perspective of you; and, while my rational mind knows you are merely human, the “living” part of my mind perceives you in a completely different light.

On an autumn day, I was reborn into this life. God caused my soul to stir and reopened my eyes to Life. When they became open and focused, there you were, serving as midwife to all things I have come to hold precious. In that moment of birth, I saw with clarity all things of beauty and grace, of purity and sincerity, of humble gifts, and all other things of value in this world; I saw them all in that nascent moment when, for one brief moment, I was allowed to gaze at your true Soul.

Staggered by you, by this understanding of Life that I had forgotten, I find myself so often overwhelmed that I sometimes do not know how to receive it or how to act. But, you understand me. In times when my soul is in storm, you calm my tempestuousness with a single word from your lips. Your love for me unfaltering is the rebirth of my Soul, and each day I pray that I am worthy of your gift. You are my most precious love – you are simply my Sophia.



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Thursday, April 23, 2009


My precious beloved Sophia –

As it often does, Spring brings stiff winds to push and shove on everything around us. It woke me with its howling and moaning. last night. When I became more fully awake, however, I found it was not only the wind which had wakened me, but your tears and the sound of you crying in your sleep.

Your head was on my chest as you slept, as it is every night. I could feel the wetness of your tears against my skin in the darkness; and, even though you did not awaken, I could hear the light moans come from your lips as you cried. I did not disturb you, only held you close to me to offer you comfort in your sleeping my most precious woman.

Others only see you smiling and hear your daily refrains of care and uplifting for those around you. They never see the clouds forming in your eyes before this storm begins, nor should they.

Only I am allowed to see you cry, only I am allowed to hold you close and try to comfort your soul. It would be vanity on my part to believe that I could ever heal this wound, it is old and it is deep, and I am not a vain man.

But, before you and before God I have vowed to be forever loyal to you and hold you when you cry – you know that I have never failed you in the past and He knows I will never fail you in the future. My love for you is too complete to ever fail you.


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Monday, April 20, 2009


Sophia, my most beloved -

When you look into a mirror, do you see what I behold each day? Do you see the beauty that radiates from your soul or the loving heart beating inside you my love? Probably not – your modesty prevents you from seeing what the rest of us see and adore in you.

For so long I have felt the love of your heart, the great and pure love that it holds for all mankind, that I cannot see your face without viewing your soul. And even when storms pass through your eyes, the sunrise that follows is even more bright than the day before.

As gently as streams gurgle down the mountainside do you adjudge those about you, not washing them away, but scouring away their imperfections to make them as shiny and new. Your heart is so full of forgiveness for acts large and small; all who know you are better for the association. You are the Halcyion Days of life's winter.

Your voice is the voice of doves in the evening, your eyes the gold of the setting sun and though, like everyone who has ever lived, your beauty has been hidden at times, it has never been sullied or diminished. Your beauty and your love have been as constant as the Moon rising in winter over the frozen land. "If I know love in this life, it is because of you." Once you spoke those words to me, but it is me whose heart bears that thought each day my most precious and beloved Sophia.

The love you give to me with every breath is a gift that originated in the hand of God, flowing through you and into my heart.

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Sophia, my Solace –

Last night my mind was running in so many circles, confusion and dismay controlling my every thought and each of those darkening thoughts coming from within my own self-doubts. Late into the night I lay there with those dark things flying about in my head.

I did not move in our bed, I didn’t want to wake you and trouble you with these things; my nightmares, both waking and asleep. But, I should have known better; I should have known that even in sleep I could not hide from you. That is why in the middle of the long, dark night you awakened, gently but suddenly, and told me to put my mind at rest. And I did, as if by your tender command things dark vanished into the bright light of Love shining on them and giving them no place to hide and take root.

You pulled yourself closer to me in the darkness and touched my face so gently with your hand. I closed my eyes to enjoy the softness of your certain touch. And now, as I drift off to sleep, a sleep that will be filled with only pleasant dreams, I hear your beautiful voice singing one of your favorite songs; music gives you such pleasure and tonight your gentle refrains are my lullaby. Within your voice I hear your heart speaking to me, calming me, loving me – my Sophia, my Sophia.

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Friday, April 17, 2009


My Sophia, my precious Sophia -

Yesterday it seemed the entire world conspired against me; leaving me feeling hollow and alone, distraught and near anger. I am ashamed that I took all of these things and brought them home with me to present them to you in a shameful manner. This is something that will be to my eternal regret and endless feeling of apology to you.

But you, Sophia, you simply looked at me and came and took my hands and kissed them gently. Then you touched my face with you hands, your gentle, gentle hands. You looked into my eyes and said, "I love you, I love you so very much." Then you held me close to you. All troubles vanished, all pain ceased, all hope was restored in all things.

There are times when I am overwhelmed at the very thought that the Father has given you to be in my life. Yet I know we will be together forever, because I recognize that we have already been together forever; you truly are my other half. On all days, good or bad, you never stop loving me. And my precious Sophia, there is never one second of any day that I don't love you with the completeness of the universe, I love you in perfect entirety.

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