These are the letters from Egan to his beloved Sophia. The translator was unable to ascertain dates for these letters.
Some letters were never mailed, but stayed in a small locked box that Egan kept over the long years.


Friday, August 14, 2009

Sophia gentle and precious

Tonight we are apart, but the miles cannot separate our hearts or the truth of us or the pure and complete love that exists between us and resides among the stars of the night. In the mists of this night, our vision is not clouded, but is as clear as the breaking of the new day.

During this late night hour I sit quietly under the half moon (whose light is paled by the light of your beauty) and see the dew form on the grass - I feel the light breeze of late night - I hear the small creatures of the night quietly practicing the commerce of life as a small creature. In the midst of this uncomplicated night I am profoundly reminded of the passion we share with such ease. We are as honeysuckle clinging gently but firmly to the tall pine that rises from the forest.

As I close my eyes to sleep this night, it will be your face I see, not only in my waking but in my sleeping. Dreams of you are so normal that I am shocked when I have sleep and they do not appear, after all this time your face does not leave me as I sleep, just as your love does not leave me when I am away from your vision.

So sleep soundly tonight my love, my thoughts are holding you as tightly as my arms and your whisper is touching my face as gently as your fingertips in the shadows before dawn. I rejoice in being half of this which heaven has created and our Father has blessed with his smile. We rest as a creation of the love that consumes us afresh each day, ever changing but always the same.

When dawn comes, I may still be sitting here; waiting to hear your voice on the breeze and feel your gentle touch in the rising sun, thinking that if these stones could speak, the story they would tell of us and the world would be astounded.


Monday, August 10, 2009

Sleep my precious and beloved Sophia –

In the middle of the night, while you sleep, I lie here and look at you with thoughts of love and wonder filling my head. But, when the words find my tongue they often taste as seawater, salty and incomplete. They are the bloody mouthed taste of a school yard brawl on a cloudy November day,
the swirl of breeze that carries emotions through life as dry leaves in the fall, or as a small nameless bird of immense beauty who dies on the wing and falls lifeless to the ground.

Accept my offering - it is the rising of Venus, of Aphrodite, on a dark and cloudless morning, it is the purity of an infant's sigh, it is God glancing toward you with a small, warm smile on His face. Only my love can I offer you, I have nothing else, there is nothing else that would serve as a worthy gift or sacrifice to lay at your feet, at the doorway of your heart.

What touch can I find that has not been shared between us? Which flower of color so original can I offer to you that is not shamed by your beauty? Which words can I say to you that have not been spoken? Can I just say, that I love you? Will you believe me when I tell you that if some unknown ogre chained me forever in a cave in a mountain at the top of the world, that I would still love you as I did the first time I loved you?

I love you. I hold you in my heart and in my soul. Every minute of every day since I met you; it never changes, it never will. So sleep as I sit here and watch you dream. Soon I will sleep too, and I will then dream of sitting and watching you sleep. There is no room left in my soul for thoughts of anything but you.


Thursday, July 30, 2009


Come to me beloved Sophia and rest –

Put your head on my shoulder and your hand on my heart as I hold your hand with my hand and wrap my right arm around you so tightly; holding you so closely that your skin and my skin are wed into a single thing. You rest your foot on my leg and your hair is a mist upon my face.

The love between us is a Spring storm, powerful and bright; the gentle touch between us the heat of a white star; the whispers we share are the vastness of the entire universe – it is that way every night my precious love, never changing but to deepen.

Tonight, when I whispered to you that I loved you, it reached a part of you that was more profound than we had ever known. You did not speak a word, you did not move a single muscle – but I felt your teardrops falling upon my chest; in their warmth I felt your own truth and sincerity. In the darkness, our hands and our hearts clasp in unity to form a place of worship.

We will not dry them, that would be profane. Instead they will soak into my skin and find their way to my soul where they will abide forever, just as our love will abide in the stars for mankind to always remember. There are no questions to answer, no words need to be said; it is what it is my beloved.


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Friday, July 10, 2009


My Sophia, small and delightful –

Morning’s sun is rising over the oaks and pines as I sit and watch the day begin at the edge of our garden. Bright red birds flutter and sing at the joy of the return of light and life to the day. It’s color is almost the same as the brilliant orange canna you planted next to our window; you said you did that so that even on cloudy days we will rise to the color of the sun. Artistic and meaningful are the small grace notes you add to the life we live.

Inside, you are asleep, you small and perfect body curled in slumber as you clutch my pillow in my early morning absence. You are so small and the universe is so large; how have I managed to completely fill it with you my love? To me, the known universe resides in the gold within your eyes, within the softness of your hand, the tenderness in your voice when you tell me how much you love me. There is nothing outside those things, and if those things such cease to be, the universe would collapse in on itself.

For my breakfast I am having tomatoes from our garden, picked by your hands last evening and rough bread of corn which I baked for you last night. As I watch the beginning of the day I realize that from your eyes, from your heart, comes the perfection that is every star at night, in every vein of every leaf, every sound of laughter from every child ever born.

Then I will be off to my business for the day, returning tonight. During each moment of the day I will wonder how the universe is managing to stay intact while I am away from your presence, how is it that life continues without being able to look into your eyes, realizing how mundane are all things that occur in this world that do not involve loving you.

So small, how have you managed to fill the entire universe my beloved Sophia?


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Sunday, June 28, 2009


My life and my breath, my precious Sophia –

In this darkness, I watch you sleep my wonderful love. I do not watch you with my eyes, but with the beat of my heart and the tips of my fingers. The gentleness of your heart surpasses even the softness of your skin, something which my senses as a man do not always comprehend. Your heart overflows with forgiveness for all who wrong you, even the scoundrels who neither deserve nor ask for clemency; so great is your heart.

Sleep my beautiful woman; sleep in the safety of my arms that hold you as surely as you hold my heart. Wake to a morning that is as gentle as the fog that will float upon the water at dawn. Sleep knowing that you were born for me and wake knowing that I was born for you. We were born, not in the momentary weakness of the flesh, but in the divine strength of the soul.

With marvel we have seen tomorrow, tasted of its richness, felt its fullness. Laying in the darkness this night, I would wake you to tell you my certainty of all these things, but I know how weary you are. It is now quiet as a chapel in the middle of the night and I will comfort myself with a kiss upon your brow and the smile that comes to your face my precious. I love you with more than words can say and you love me more fiercely than even my imagination can envision. We will not yield to tempest.

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Tuesday, June 16, 2009


My heart and my soul, my Sophia -

Tonight I sit outside in the cooling light breeze of this late summer night. Still not risen is the crescent moon that will soon be born of the night; for now, only the stars and the brightness of the love you give me lighting my night.

You are sleeping inside as I sit in peace out here, thinking of the great gift God has given to me by putting your hand into mine. Each day of my life I wonder how much sacrifice he will require of me in return for this greatest favor He has bestowed upon me - whatever it is, I will pay it gladly. I will pay it in return for you smiling face, your laughter, your love and, yes, even the tears you occasionally shed upon my shoulder.

Without any doubt you know of my love for you, it is so obvious it cannot be hidden or even shown to you in diminished fashion. Still, I search daily for another word, another phrase to tell you how deeply I feel for you. It is a depth that is rarely felt and never properly measured; it defies measurement or description.

So, in your dreams tonight, feel my love for you. When the new day begins feel my love for you in your waking dream. I will never fail to love you, it would not be possible. My love for you will last as long as Time exists, for as long as there is breath or thought or dream; beyond the measure of man will I love you. My precious Sophia, I simply love you as I ought to do - without measure, without fail, without limit.

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Monday, June 1, 2009


My most wonderful Sophia, my Aphrodite and my Venus, my beautiful love -

Surely God birthed our souls on the same day, at the same moment, and placed our souls and our hearts together to hold onto to one another until one day after all Time comes to an end. I am yours and you are mine, always.

You have dampened the fires that burned in me, fires that had long tortured my existence, all that time I was seeking you and now I have found you and the only fire that burns within me is the fire that burns for you. It is a fire lighted on an altar I had never known, a light I had sought but never seen. Your gift to my life has been this and will abide with me always and forever.

I have swallowed your tears, the ones that sometimes flow from you like a great river, it has tortured your existence, all that time I have been here to hold onto your soul and dry your tears, from your eyes and from your soul. It is a gift that I give to you; I care only for you wholeness, your healing, and your happiness. I offer this without reservation or condition. This has been my gift to your life and it will abide with you always and forever.

You are my precious and I am your baby, that is how it was destined and that is how it shall be; the Father will determine that path and the steps we take upon it. We will only walk and hold each other in love as we go. What we are, what we become is spiritually set and will not change, we will love each other forever, as it was ordained for us my beautiful love.

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