Sleep my loving and tender Sophia -

You were so sleepy last night, lying in my arms trying to stay awake, trying to tell me things about your day, trying to tell me your dreams, trying to tell me over and over how you love me. At times your voice was so sleepy I could barely make out the words, at times you were on the cusp of wakefulness and sleep, at times telling me to hurry or I would miss the bus, at times telling me of visions that were there before your waking eyes; but mostly telling me how much you love me.

Then you fell asleep in my arms, mumbling and muttering, saying “I love you” one last time like it might be the last time your lips could utter that sound or that my ears would be able to hear them. But my love, that can never be, you know that as well as I do; our words have been chiseled into the stone of Time itself, and though others might question them, we do not. My soul will pursue yours throughout forever’s forever and yours will pursue throughout the endlessness of eternity.

In a few minutes I will come lie down and even in sleep you will come to me as if you hear my voice in your very dreams. You will put your arm over my chest and rest your heart in my heart. Tonight, my head hurts, my back hurts, and sometimes my soul hurts; but my heart does not hurt, for it is in your care. You lavish me with such love that all temporal matters vanish like fog on a bright winter’s morning, troubles becoming even less than a memory.

So sleep now my love, sleep in the beauty of what our souls have created in this life; sleep in the purity of that holy conception. Sleep in the full clarity of Us. I love you.


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My rare and beautiful Sophia, my love -

Tonight, I am sitting here looking over the back lawn into the woods beyond. I am looking past the pecan trees, the pear and peach trees, beyond the rabbits and the raccoons that gather for their nightly feast. I am looking past life and reality to a greater life and a greater reality. In the background, I hear music inside; you are sitting in front of the fireplace listening to saxophone music, so soothing, but I am hearing you sing that little song that you sing to me every night. It makes me smile.

Tonight, I think about your voice, soft and tender, speaking to my ear and to my heart with words earnest and sincere. In my life I have learned many truths, I have sought them out and learned them; but from you I have learned there is a truth beyond truth, I have learned there is unsought truth. It is the kind that sweeps in on the wind, shaking leaves from trees, warming the heart, touching the soul.

Tonight, I am trying to remember Time before I met you, it is difficult to do, I’m sure that a great deal of it did not matter. The only thing that matters now is you and the love I feel from you. I am a common man, but a common man to be envied by kings, if they only knew – I do know. I think I will leave outdoors to the rabbits and raccoons and go inside and listen to saxophone and see if you would care to dance and sing with me this night my love.


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Sophia - My darling, my love

I find I can do nothing but think of you today in such depth that I am consumed by these thoughts. I hear your voice on the wind, see your face in the light and shadows about me, feel you in my very heart. There are times when the weight of this feeling is almost too heavy to bear, even in the joy that it brings.

As the dove coos its 3-note cry, I hear your voice calling to me in the night; you are so tired you can hardly speak, yet you force the energy to say ‘I love you’ one more time. The struggle and desperation of your effort touches my heart, it is like you will die in your sleep if you do not speak the words one more time. And although I am holding you so close that we are like one flesh, when I hear this I hold you even closer in my own desperation; fearful that if I do not pull you ever closer you might vanish in the night.

When the morning comes and the fresh and gentle light of the new day greets my eyes, I am joyous in finding you still curled within my grasp. I clutch you softly to my side and you awake, just a little for just a moment, just long enough to say ‘I love you’ again, just in case I forgot during the night, just in case the gods should steal your voice before you lips could form the sound again. As you do, a smile captures your face and you return to sleep, placing your face upon my chest, feeding upon my heart beat as I feed upon the touch of your hair.


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Sophia gentle and precious

Tonight we are apart, but the miles cannot separate our hearts or the truth of us or the pure and complete love that exists between us and resides among the stars of the night. In the mists of this night, our vision is not clouded, but is as clear as the breaking of the new day.

During this late night hour I sit quietly under the half moon (whose light is paled by the light of your beauty) and see the dew form on the grass - I feel the light breeze of late night - I hear the small creatures of the night quietly practicing the commerce of life as a small creature. In the midst of this uncomplicated night I am profoundly reminded of the passion we share with such ease. We are as honeysuckle clinging gently but firmly to the tall pine that rises from the forest.

As I close my eyes to sleep this night, it will be your face I see, not only in my waking but in my sleeping. Dreams of you are so normal that I am shocked when I have sleep and they do not appear, after all this time your face does not leave me as I sleep, just as your love does not leave me when I am away from your vision.

So sleep soundly tonight my love, my thoughts are holding you as tightly as my arms and your whisper is touching my face as gently as your fingertips in the shadows before dawn. I rejoice in being half of this which heaven has created and our Father has blessed with his smile. We rest as a creation of the love that consumes us afresh each day, ever changing but always the same.

When dawn comes, I may still be sitting here; waiting to hear your voice on the breeze and feel your gentle touch in the rising sun, thinking that if these stones could speak, the story they would tell of us and the world would be astounded.

Sleep my precious and beloved Sophia –

In the middle of the night, while you sleep, I lie here and look at you with thoughts of love and wonder filling my head. But, when the words find my tongue they often taste as seawater, salty and incomplete. They are the bloody mouthed taste of a school yard brawl on a cloudy November day,
the swirl of breeze that carries emotions through life as dry leaves in the fall, or as a small nameless bird of immense beauty who dies on the wing and falls lifeless to the ground.

Accept my offering - it is the rising of Venus, of Aphrodite, on a dark and cloudless morning, it is the purity of an infant's sigh, it is God glancing toward you with a small, warm smile on His face. Only my love can I offer you, I have nothing else, there is nothing else that would serve as a worthy gift or sacrifice to lay at your feet, at the doorway of your heart.

What touch can I find that has not been shared between us? Which flower of color so original can I offer to you that is not shamed by your beauty? Which words can I say to you that have not been spoken? Can I just say, that I love you? Will you believe me when I tell you that if some unknown ogre chained me forever in a cave in a mountain at the top of the world, that I would still love you as I did the first time I loved you?

I love you. I hold you in my heart and in my soul. Every minute of every day since I met you; it never changes, it never will. So sleep as I sit here and watch you dream. Soon I will sleep too, and I will then dream of sitting and watching you sleep. There is no room left in my soul for thoughts of anything but you.

Come to me beloved Sophia and rest –

Put your head on my shoulder and your hand on my heart as I hold your hand with my hand and wrap my right arm around you so tightly; holding you so closely that your skin and my skin are wed into a single thing. You rest your foot on my leg and your hair is a mist upon my face.

The love between us is a Spring storm, powerful and bright; the gentle touch between us the heat of a white star; the whispers we share are the vastness of the entire universe – it is that way every night my precious love, never changing but to deepen.

Tonight, when I whispered to you that I loved you, it reached a part of you that was more profound than we had ever known. You did not speak a word, you did not move a single muscle – but I felt your teardrops falling upon my chest; in their warmth I felt your own truth and sincerity. In the darkness, our hands and our hearts clasp in unity to form a place of worship.

We will not dry them, that would be profane. Instead they will soak into my skin and find their way to my soul where they will abide forever, just as our love will abide in the stars for mankind to always remember. There are no questions to answer, no words need to be said; it is what it is my beloved.


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My Sophia, small and delightful –

Morning’s sun is rising over the oaks and pines as I sit and watch the day begin at the edge of our garden. Bright red birds flutter and sing at the joy of the return of light and life to the day. It’s color is almost the same as the brilliant orange canna you planted next to our window; you said you did that so that even on cloudy days we will rise to the color of the sun. Artistic and meaningful are the small grace notes you add to the life we live.

Inside, you are asleep, you small and perfect body curled in slumber as you clutch my pillow in my early morning absence. You are so small and the universe is so large; how have I managed to completely fill it with you my love? To me, the known universe resides in the gold within your eyes, within the softness of your hand, the tenderness in your voice when you tell me how much you love me. There is nothing outside those things, and if those things such cease to be, the universe would collapse in on itself.

For my breakfast I am having tomatoes from our garden, picked by your hands last evening and rough bread of corn which I baked for you last night. As I watch the beginning of the day I realize that from your eyes, from your heart, comes the perfection that is every star at night, in every vein of every leaf, every sound of laughter from every child ever born.

Then I will be off to my business for the day, returning tonight. During each moment of the day I will wonder how the universe is managing to stay intact while I am away from your presence, how is it that life continues without being able to look into your eyes, realizing how mundane are all things that occur in this world that do not involve loving you.

So small, how have you managed to fill the entire universe my beloved Sophia?


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